


I Love You for Sentimental Reasons

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Artist Steve Rogers, BAMF Pepper Potts, Captain America Bucky Barnes, Depressed Bucky Barnes, F/M, M/M, Modern Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-11-02 12:10:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20741606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Graduate Art Student paints a portrait of Captain America and it gets noticed.  Bucky needs a savior and Steve's going to fill that position.





	I Love You for Sentimental Reasons

Steve pulls his inhaler from his pocket, taking two puffs and slips it back into his jacket. It’s been a rough day, okay, it’s been a rough two weeks. As a graduate student he’s expected to do these things, but it’s the last thing he wants to do on a Saturday night when his lungs are feeling like lead. 

He knew a week ago that he was getting sick, but he’s been fighting it with his regular meds, his inhaler and an insane amount of green tea. But in the last few days it’s been building. He also knows that he has to call his doctor first thing Monday morning. He’s very aware that he’s been putting it off because of this show. All the Studio Art grad students are being showcased and Steve is Dr. Marley’s star. At least that’s what Chloe keeps saying. Steve doesn’t see it because they’re all so talented, but as Chloe is fond of saying, ‘you wouldn’t give yourself credit for anything if I didn’t beat you over the head with it.’ He loves his best friend.

As he exits the train and walks the short distance to the gallery, he has to stop because what he sees is not what he expects. There are limousines and photographers everywhere. Stopping he sees the limo up front stop, the driver gets out and opens the door. Steve’s jaw drops when he sees Sam Wilson and Wanda Maximoff exit the car. What the hell are Avengers doing at this show?

Making his way to the back entrance, he’s met with Chloe bouncing up and down talking on the phone, to her boyfriend most likely. “I’m not kidding Matt! The fucking Avengers were invited by Dr. Marley, who knows Mrs. Stark.”

Steve hangs his head and goes to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. He figured out halfway here that he’s running a low-grade fever. He needs to keep that in check and just get through this night. Looking up into the mirror he sees the telltale signs in his flushed complexion. It may be more than a low-grade fever. Taking the Ibuprofin from his pocket, he cups his hands, taking it with the cold water. He leaves the bathroom and shivers as he removes his coat. Feeling for his inhaler he adds it to the notecards in his suit jacket. That’s when he’s hugged from behind by Chloe. “What is going on out there?”

Chloe chuckles. “Dr. Marley invited Pepper Stark and she decided to bring some friends.”

Steve hangs his head again. “Awesome.” It’s not that Steve has anything against the Avengers, it’s just one of his pieces is about them. Okay, it’s about one of them. “Is _he_ going to be here?”

Chloe turns Steve around and looks at him. They’ve been friends since freshman year and entered the grad program together. Reaching up she feels his forehead. “Oh god, how long have you been sick?”

Steve sighs. “For about a week.” He looks up with slightly bloodshot eyes. “You didn’t answer the question.”

“He arrived with the Starks, so about 20 minutes ago.” Chloe is the only one that knows that Steve has a little obsession with James Barnes. Now, however, all of the Avengers are going to know, including _him_.

Steve’s not delusional. He doesn’t think that a straight guy will suddenly become gay when he looks at a five foot six, illness infested, blond guy, but Steve can’t help the crush he has and knows that he’s just one of millions and millions that share his admiration. He doesn’t follow any of _his_ official social media accounts, he doesn’t search up information online, Steve doesn’t want to know what the Avengers put out because that’s all hype. But occasionally, Steve will cut a picture out of the newspaper when he can see a little of the real guy.

Steve knows it’s as simple as being in love with an idea because he doesn’t really know the person. “Well, my job is to answer questions about my work and make my little speech then go home and roll myself up like a burrito until Monday.”

“When you’re going to go see Dr. Erskine.” Steve gives a weak smile and nods. “Good, now let’s go pretend to be important.” Steve laughs and offers his arm. “Always the gentleman. Your ma would be proud of you.” Chloe was with Steve through the horror that was his sophomore year when Steve’s ma died after years of battling cancer. The weak smile that he gives her is all he can muster because he wishes beyond everything else that his ma could see where he is tonight.

Bucky looks around at the art, but nothing really jumps out at him. He takes a sip of Champaign and moves to the next instillation. The guests aren’t actually supposed to be looking through the instillations yet, but being an Avenger has its perks. Quirking an eyebrow he assess the pieces. Chloe Gardner, according to the name plate, is talented, but nothing that really ‘wows’ the audience. Okay, it doesn’t ‘wow’ him. 

Making his way around the next instillation he stops in his tracks. Everything jumps off the canvases and pulls Bucky into the color and motion. Looking at the name plate he reads. Steven G. Rogers. This work ‘wows.’ This work is mesmerizing. This work is genius. Bucky nearly tears up at the sketch of the Brooklyn Bridge. Whoever this guy is, he’s definitely from Brooklyn.

Wanda is standing in front of a piece that has her hands swirling with red mist. She only does that when she’s really emotional or in battle. “Wanda?”

She spins, pulling the mist back into her. “Oh sorry…I…” She nods her head toward the painting she’s looking at. “It’s just…I can’t…” The choking sound she makes is born of deep emotional pain. She turns back to the painting and the red mist comes out again.

Bucky comes over and sucks in a breath. It’s him, but not Captain America him. The blacks and grays give way to the focal point of the painting which is Bucky, but it’s the expression that’s arresting. It’s like Steven G. Rogers, whoever he is, looked inside Bucky and pulled every negative emotion that the super soldier has felt since coming out of the ice. But on top of it seeming uncomfortably raw, it’s heartbreaking in its loneliness.

“How?” Bucky can’t take his eyes from the painting as he speaks. The eyes of the painting stare at him accusingly. Wanda takes his hand and Bucky squeezes. 

“I think you need to meet this man.” Bucky still can’t look away, but nods.

Steve takes the podium just after Chloe. As the last artist, he’s been watching his friends and acquaintances work the crowd. He knows that he doesn’t have the same stage presence and looks to his best friend and Dr. Marley who are smiling at him encouragingly. He tries very hard not to look at the faces in the crowd, but can’t help a sweeping glance. Then he sees _him_ and their eyes lock for a few seconds. The eyes staring back at him are the same as his painting and he feels his heart breaking just a little for the man out of time.

Steve clears his throat and looks down at his notes. His vision is starting to swim and he knows that the fever is taking a turn. He coughs and can see Chloe starting to the stage, but stops when he waves her off. Taking a drink from the water glass, he straightens himself. “Thank you for being here. No one told me that when I decided to get a Master’s in Studio Art that I would have to do public speaking, so forgive me. There are many reasons I became an artist and hiding behind a canvas is one of them.” There’s a chuckle from the crowd. Steve lifts his eyes just enough to see that Captain Barnes doesn’t chuckle, in fact, he looks tormented. It’s like he knows that Steve isn’t all together well and hurts for the young artist. “Dr. Marley told us early on that if we weren’t painting what’s important to us that we were betraying our heart and soul.” He looks over at his mentor who nods. “My part of the instillation tonight is just that, my heart and soul.” The screen behind him lights up and his first painting appears. “When I was a kid I was sick all the time. Not much has changed about that, but this woman, my ma, inspired me to channel all of that anger I had about not being able to play baseball into something productive. I used pastels to help cast the shadows under her eyes and watercolor to give the flushed look from the chemo she was going through at the time. This is Sarah Rogers.” There’s clapping and Steve blushes, but doesn’t think that anyone can tell because of the flush of fever that has steadily been going up since the evening started. He knows that Dr. Marley considers this piece to be his best. She was his heart and soul for most of his life. When she died, he thought she took that with her, but found it again in an unlikely place.

The screen changes to the charcoal sketch of the Brooklyn Bridge. “I’ve heard people say that you can’t ever go home again, but they didn’t live in Brooklyn.” There’s laughing and Steve cracks a smile when he sees Captain Barnes is chuckling. “If you’re from Brooklyn, you know, you only have to cross that bridge and you’re home. I attempted this piece time and again, but always came back to simple charcoal. I wanted to create the softness that I feel when I look at the bridge and could only achieve what I was looking for through that medium.” He goes through the other six paintings in much the same way then he looks over at Dr. Marley and Chloe because they both know what’s coming. They both nod. 

The last painting comes up, the crowd gasps and Steve blushes. He looks out at the crowd and locks eyes with the focus of the painting. The eyes that he meets are haunted. Just as quickly, those same eyes cast down at the floor and a blush graces the face of his hero, his inspiration, his crush. Steve sees the other Avengers looking at Captain Barnes, but the man won’t meet their gaze. Wanda Maximoff leans into his side and to Steve it looks like she’s trying to give him some of her strength. Looking back at his notes, Steve tucks them into his pocket. He doesn’t think anything on the cards is going to help him through this piece. It would have been one thing if the subject wasn’t staring at him, but he is, so Steve is going to have to wing it. For a split second he feels dizzy and clutches the podium harder. Closing his eyes, focuses on getting through all of this. Clearing his throat he pulls up all the strength he can muster.

“Before I explain the last piece, I owe an apology.” There’s whispering and Steve takes a deep breath, or as deep as he can in his current condition. “To Mr. Barnes, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you and your team would be here, so I’m sure this is inappropriate.” He clears his throat again. “The inspiration for this last piece is obvious, but not what most people focus on. We can’t always choose where inspiration comes from and I had no choice in this. Call it artistic passion. When I look at Captain America, I don’t see the icon, I see the man. A man who’s been thrown into a world that he doesn’t know with no one left that knows him. Even surrounded by a great team, he still doesn’t have anything to anchor him here, in the present. For this piece I used oils on canvas. The only color I chose to use is the blue/grey of the eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and in this case, truer words have never been spoken. Again, I apologize for the intimacy of the piece.” Steve clutches the side of the podium again. “Thank you.” Chloe whispers something to Dr. Marley and the man looks shaken.

Steve leaves the stage and heads to the bathroom. He can hear the click of Chloe’s heels coming and needs to get behind that door before she can catch him. Whatever encouraging words she wants to say to him, he can’t hear right now. He’s embarrassed himself and worse still, the man that should never be embarrassed in public. He doesn’t feel right and knows that if he can just sit down, everything will be okay, but as his hand wraps around the handle things start swimming. That’s the last sensation he has before passing out.

Bucky needs to talk to the artist, but he has to try and break through the crowd that seems to want to talk to him about the painting. Even the professor seems determined to talk to him, but he can’t stop for them right now. He looks over and Wanda’s hands are swirling in red again. His heart is pounding and Wanda uses a minimal amount of power to part the crowd and push him in the direction the artist went. As he makes it away from everyone, he sees Steve walking away with a young woman hot on his heels. Just as Steve makes it to a door, he starts to sway. Bucky is there, catching him as he passes out. He hefts the smaller man into his arms. “Tony! Get the car!”

He paces the waiting room at the hospital, with that same young woman and the professor staring at him. The woman had insisted that Steve be brought to this specific hospital and had been on her phone the whole way. The rest of the Avengers watch from a safe distance, mumbling a buzz of conversation. The young woman stops talking to the professor and looks up at Bucky. “He didn’t do it to upset anyone.”

Bucky turns to her. She’s wringing her hands. “You think I’m mad about the painting?”

She snorts. “Well you coming after him like a steam roller was kinda a hint.”

They both hear a snort from the group by the window. “I’m not mad; I just want to know why he could see what no one else could.”

That causes his team to sit up and take notice. They all look incredulous except for Wanda. He’s tried, really he has, but he’s never been able to truly let his team in. The only one that gets close is Wanda and that’s because she reminds Bucky of his sister. Bucky’s shoulders slump and he shoves his hands into his pockets. “Cap, you alright?” Bucky just stares at the floor and nods. Sam comes over, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “What’s going on?”

Bucky looks up as the doctor comes out. He’s an older man, grey haired with kind eyes; taking his glasses off, he cleans them with a handkerchief. Chloe jumps up. “Dr. Erskine?”

“I’ve had to move him into the ICU.” Chloe goes to the doctor and he wraps her in a hug. The professor hangs his head, rubbing his forehead. Chloe is Steve’s emergency contact, so Dr. Erskine knows her very well and cradles her like she’s his own child. “It’s pneumonia.”

She begins to sob and Bucky looks on lost. Pneumonia in his day could have been a death sentence, but in the 21st century he didn’t think it was that big of a deal. “I don’t understand.”

Dr. Erskine looks up making note of the Avengers in the waiting area. “Captain Barnes, Steven is delicate.” Chloe pulls back, tears still streaming down her face. Erskine looks at her. “If you tell him I said that, I will deny it.” She tries to laugh, but it falls flat. He looks back at the team. “Steven’s body has been trying to kill him since he was born.” Bucky looks panicked. “I will do my best, but he let it go too long. How long has he been sick?”

Chloe looks up. “For a week is what he told me.”

Bucky comes over. “Doc, what can we do? Anything you need, we can make it happen.” He looks to Tony, who seems confused by the sudden concern for an unknown college student, but nods anyway. All Bucky knows for sure is that he can’t let anything take this away. He’s been afloat in this weird world and someone has thrown him a life vest. He needs to grab that life vest and hang on with everything he has. This small artist has seen what no one else could and Bucky doesn’t know why or how, but he can’t let someone that insightful go without a fight.

“The problem with that Captain is that Steven has very limited insurance and can’t afford what he really needs and I, unfortunately, have to abide by the restrictions of the hospital.” Bucky can see the toll that knowledge takes on the doctor. Slumped shoulders and teary expression are the clues that Steve means more to this man than just a patient.

Tony comes over, hand resting on Bucky’s shoulder. “Money isn’t an issue. What does he need?”

Close to a week later, Steve wakes in a room that he doesn’t recognize. It’s not his apartment and it isn’t the hospital. He tries to sit up when the door opens. “Lay back down Steven. You are not strong enough to try to sit up yet.” Dr. Erskine starts checking him over. “You have some friends in high places that I was not aware of, Steven.” Steve looks around at the room, the bed is bigger than a normal hospital bed and the walls are covered in either really good reproductions of some fantastic art.

Steve looks at him confused. “I don’t…” His voice is nothing more than a wheeze. The doctor picks up the cup next to the bed and helps him drink. “Where am I?”

Dr. Erskine chuckles. “You are on the medical floor of Avenger Tower.”

Before Steve can respond, the door flies open and Tony Stark comes strolling in. “Ah, Steven, nice to have you back.”

Steve looks between Stark and Erskine confused. “How hard did I hit my head when I passed out last night?”

Tony laughs. “Last night, he says. Steve, can I call you Steve, that was a week ago.”

He looks to Erskine for conformation; the doctor nods. “Then I really don’t understand what’s going on.”

Tony plops onto the end of the bed, propping himself up on his elbow. “Neither do I, but you seem to have garnered the attention of one Captain America and he wants you to have the best medical money can buy, so I’m buyin. And after checking your doctor’s credentials, he’s too good to be at that rinky-dink hospital, so I hired him.”

Steve chokes on air. “What?!” Dr. Erskine frowns at Tony, but doesn’t volunteer any information.

“Cap’s away on a mission right now, but I did send a message that you were awake, so I’m expecting him to wipe out the Hydra base pretty quick to get back.” He points at the chair next to the bed. “If your friend Chloe wasn’t sitting in that chair, Cap was. For days, just talking to you.”

Erskine frowns. “Do you normally spy on your friend, Mr. Stark?

“What spy? JARVIS kept me informed.” Erskine rolls his eyes.

“JARVIS?” Steve looks at Stark accusingly. The idea that Stark would have his own teammate watched by security is appalling.

“J, introduce yourself.” Tony picks at the blanket on Steve’s bed.

‘Mr. Rogers, it is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance. Sir was actually quite worried for you.’

Steve looks around the room. “Who the hell is that?”

“I always forget that people in the real world don’t know about JARVIS. He’s the AI that runs the building and my life. Anything you need, you just have to ask.” He’s out the door as quickly as he came in. Dr. Erskine stays a while longer, giving Steve a rundown of what’s happened and what he can expect in the next few weeks.

Steve is left on his own for hours that day and when boredom gets the better of him, he starts talking to JARVIS. “So if not for you, the Avengers would be without food.”

‘Master Steven, without me the Avengers would not know how to survive.’

“You make them sound like toddlers.” Steve lays his head back and stares at the ceiling like JARVIS will magically appear.

‘If I were to show you footage of game night Master Steven, I am sure your belief in the Avengers would waver.’

Steve giggles. He’s going to get bored doing nothing but laying in a hospital bed and wonders if this snarky AI can help. “JARVIS, is there any way to get a sketch pad and pencils?”

‘Of course sir, is there a particular grade of paper and certain type of pencil you prefer?’

An hour later, Steve is sitting up in bed sketching Tony, who came in and went to sleep in the chair next to his bed with his feet propped up on the edge and a ball cap pulled down over his eyes. An hour after that, the door opens and Chloe comes in with food. “You look so much better.”

Steve looks over at Tony, who hasn’t moved, so he sits up a little straighter in bed and pulls the tray table over his lap. “They’re taking really good care of me. I still don’t understand why, but they are.”

Chloe sets up his food then pulls the extra chair over. “They are doing it because Captain America asked them to.”

Steve blows across the spoon of soup, taking the bite. “Why though?” Steve’s not used to handouts. His ma worked her ass off every day of Steve’s life and Steve’s been the same. None of this makes any sense, but it’s the curiosity of the situation that keeps him tight-lipped until he can get a read on what’s really happening.

She sits back in her chair, eating her wrap. “If I were to make a guess, I’d say the man has a crush on you.”

Steve nearly spits out the bite of soup he just took. “You’ve lost your fucking mind.”

“I’m just telling you that the guy didn’t leave your bedside when we brought you in. He didn’t talk or anything, just sat there and held your hand.” Steve does think that sounds odd. He’s also trying to figure out why Chloe doesn’t know that according to Tony, Captain Barnes did talk. He must have only done that when they were alone. It warms something in Steve that Captain Barnes would spend his time sitting by the bed of a man he doesn’t know. It only solidifies the idea that James Barnes is a good man.

After they eat, Chloe leaves for the studio telling Steve that Dr. Marley will only let him back in the studio when he has a letter from Dr. Erskine. Steve tries to go back to what he was working on before. He comes out of his skin when Tony speaks. “Your friend is right. Cap didn’t want to leave your side. Don’t know what spell you put him under, but I think it’s good for him to have something to focus on.” Then, he gets up and leaves the room. Steve sits dumbstruck and finds himself staring at the ceiling which is where Dr. Erskine finds him nearly an hour later.

“Steven, you look deep in thought.” Erskine does a once over, checking Steve’s breathing and vitals.

“Dr. Erskine, why did you let them bring me here?” The doctor looks at him funny then chuckles. Putting the mask on Steve’s face, he starts the breathing treatment while he talks.

He sits in the chair next to the bed. “Steven, I have known you your whole life and your mother was a dear friend. I wanted many times to do more for you and was unable. I have been given an opportunity to truly help you. We have talked before about treatments that would benefit you. We have also talked about the fact that some of them are not possible because of insurance and constraints at the hospital.” Steve nods. He’s seen Dr. Erskine fight for treatments and the hospital threaten him with firing if he tried it. “Here we have no such constraints and you can have the treatments that you need. We just have to get your lungs back to proper function. As soon as we clear up the pneumonia, I will begin working with experimental drugs and finding a solution that will help you more than I ever have before.”

Steve wakes the next morning to soft music and the smell of coffee and caramel. When he blinks his eyes open, he finds Captain Barnes sitting in the chair next to the bed. He’s got a cut over his right eye and the same eye is healing from a nasty bruise. 

Steve starts to sit up when Bucky jumps to help. “Hey, let me help.”

“I think I have it. I’m getting better.” He takes Bucky’s arm anyway. “Thanks, pneumonia sucks.” Bucky frowns. “Relax pal, not the first time and probably won’t be the last.”

“I didn’t know if you could drink it or not, but Chloe told me about your favorite coffee and I brought you some.” For an international hero, Captain Barnes acts very shy. It’s kind of charming.

Steve grins and makes grabby hands at the cup. “Gimme.” Bucky laughs and hands the coffee over. Steve hums as he’s drinking. He pulls his legs up, sitting crisscrossed with his hand wrapped around the cup. Captain Barnes smiles at him and Steve blushes. “You are the best man I know.” He looks up smiling. “Sorry, guess I don’t really know you. I’m Steve Rogers.” He offers his hand.

Bucky laughs again, taking his hand. “I’m Bucky Barnes and if your painting is anything to go by, you know me better than anyone.”

“Just painted what I saw.” Captain Barnes pulls the tray table over and puts down a couple of pastries. Indicating that Steve should eat, he sits back in the chair.

Bucky looks intently at Steve. “Why don’t you tell me about that?”

Steve takes another sip of the coffee, smiling. “I was watching the first press conference you did when you first came back and something just…I don’t know…didn’t look right.” He lays his head back against the pillows. “Like you were here, but not really here. I kept looking for that to go away, but it never did.” He looks over at Bucky. “I mean do you know that even when you smile, it doesn’t really reach your eyes?”

Bucky nods. “Everything I knew, it’s just gone. I try every day to find something to feel good about.” It’s Bucky’s turn to lean back, staring at the ceiling. “Most days that works, but some days I go to bed and realize that I didn’t find anything that day.” He looks up smiling and Steve sees that it’s actually a real smile. “Then I saw your painting. Then I saw you.”

Steve chuckles. “What? A broken guy that can barely take care of himself.”

Bucky tries to understand how someone with as much talent and insight can feel that way about himself. “You look pretty good from where I’m sitting.”

Steve barks out a laugh. “You’re living up to you previous reputation as a flirt, Captain.”

It’s Bucky’s turn to bark a laugh. “Old habits, I guess, but it’s not something that Captain America is supposed to do.”

“Fuck Captain America! What does Bucky want to do?” Steve has no idea where this boldness is coming from. But the way that the Captain lights up is worth it.

“Bucky wants to get to know you.” He leans forward, taking Steve’s hand.

Captain Barnes has to leave during the afternoon for a debriefing. Not long after he leaves the door opens and Scarlet Witch and Falcon come into the room. “This is a thing now.” They both look at him confused. “Avengers coming into my room?”

They both laugh. Wanda sits on the edge of the bed. “We just wanted to make sure you were doing okay. And if you need anything.”

Sam sits in the chair next to the bed, taking the second pastry that Steve didn’t eat earlier. “I came because I’m just a curious kinda guy.”

Steve leans back, watching the two, watching him. “And what are you curious about, Falcon?”

Sam snorts a laugh. “The guy that seems to be Cap’s new best friend.”

Wanda looks disapprovingly at Sam. “Don’t be jealous Sam, I’m sure Bucky still likes you too.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “Man’s an asshole. See if I care that he replaces me.”

It’s Wanda’s turn to snort. “Keep that attitude and he will replace you.” Her hands get a red mist around them that Steve finds fascinating and uses it to shove the pastry into Sam’s face, causing Steve to giggle. She looks at Steve curiously. “You are a very talented man, Mr. Rogers.”

He’s taken aback by her bluntness. “Call me Steve, please. And thank you.”

They spend another hour with Steve, but when he seems to be falling asleep while they are talking, they leave him to nap. He wakes in the early evening in a coughing fit. Dr. Erskine comes running in with a nurse and they get him hooked up for a breathing treatment. 

That night, Bucky shows up again with dinner. When they’ve eaten and talked more, Steve brings up a movie on the wall mounted screen, he shuffles over in the oversized bed, and Bucky climbs in beside him. He tries to leave as much space between himself and Captain Barnes as possible. They make it work and watch TV and talk about anything and everything that pops into their minds. Steve dozes off as the credits are rolling and Bucky joins him soon after. That’s where Chloe and Tony find them the next morning. Giving each other a side glance, they just smirk and back out of the room.

The second week in the Tower, Steve gets to get up and move around. He still can’t go far and gets winded easily, so he’s usually joined by Dr. Erskine, Chloe, or one of the Avengers. It’s the weirdest thing that ever happened to Steve. Walking the hallway while Iron Man explains his new idea for the suit, which Steve doesn’t understand even a little of, or Falcon talking about music that Steve’s never listened to, but will now that he’s been ordered to ‘expand his horizons,’ or Scarlet Witch telling Steve about a dish that her mother used to make and Steve asking if she would cook it for him sometime because it sounds incredible. The smile she gives him for that is blinding. But the best days are when Captain Barnes isn’t on a mission or in a briefing and he tells Steve about his Brooklyn. He tells Steve about a cat that used to live in the neighborhood and Bucky would feed it because, although they didn’t have much food, he couldn’t stand to see an animal in trouble.

“Do you have any pets now?” Steve would love to see this man cuddle up with a kitten or puppy.

“No, Tony’s kind of weird about animals in his Tower.” He seems disappointed.

“You ever think about moving out of the Tower and into someplace in Brooklyn?” Steve’s getting tired and Bucky can tell, so he steers him back towards his room.

“Sometimes, but it’s not really the Brooklyn I remember.” He gets that haunted look and Steve doesn’t like it.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Bucky helps him back into the bed. Smiling he takes the super soldiers hand. “Maybe you could make it your new Brooklyn. You have a friend there now.”

Bucky beams at him. “Yeah, maybe I’ll think about doing that. When you’re better, you can show me around.”

His third week, he starts the new treatments. They are painful, but Dr. Erskine assures him that it will benefit him in the end, so he sucks it up and does what he’s told. There’s almost a fight between Captain Barnes and Dr. Erskine when he comes in one day, Steve is on the machine pumping the experimental drugs into his system and tears are cascading down Steve’s cheeks. If not for Sam holding him back, Steve pretty sure the super soldier would have knocked Dr. Erskine out.

Once he understands what’s happening, Captain Barnes sits next to Steve’s bed and holds his hand. “Don’t worry about how hard you need to squeeze. You can’t break me.”

Steve would like to give a pithy retort, but throwing his head back he whines and the tears keep flowing. Captain Barnes finally sits on the bed, brushing Steve’s hair away from his forehead, and to the surprise of everyone in the room, starts to quietly sing. Overwhelmed with the kindness of this man, Steve leans in and the Captain hugs him close, still singing. It takes so much out of the smaller man that when the treatment is over, he falls into a restless sleep.

Chloe sits on one side and Bucky on the other, each holding a hand while Steve sleeps. “You gonna tell him?”

Bucky looks up, cocking his head to the side. “Tell who what?”

She snorts. “You gonna tell him that you’re in love with him?”

Bucky sputters and flushes a deep red. “I…it’s not…what?”

She shakes her head. “Okay, you keep playing dumb and I’ll keep pretending this is just a friendship you’re building.” The conversation stops there, but when Bucky reaches up to move Steve’s hair again, Chloe smirks at him.

Week four brings Steve being able to move around much better and he gets to investigate the Tower a little more. He’s feeling much better and although the treatments still hurt, he’s grown used to the pain and can tell that he’s better. In fact, he’s better than he’s been in a long time or ever. Today he’s been invited into the sanctum of Tony’s private lab.

“So, you spend most of your time here?” Tony is tinkering with something that Steve couldn’t identify if asked.

“Yep, Pepper has to come and drag me out sometimes.” He waves a tool around. “I sometimes forget about sleeping.”

“Don’t you get to point where your body just gives out?” Steve’s curious about this man because he agreed to do all of this for Steve without even knowing the man.

“When I start to feel run down, I have coffee.”

JARVIS butts in at that statement.

‘And as I have said before Sir, your caffeine consumption is unhealthy.’

Steve snorts and Tony glares at him. “Got something to say artsy guy?”

“Well I just hope that JARVIS never calculates how much coffee I ingest.” Tony barks a laugh.

“I knew I liked you for a reason.” He points at the high tech coffee maker on the desk. “Care for some of the good stuff. I’ve got creamers and shit in the little fridge.” They sit for several more hours talking about what Tony’s doing. At one point, Tony looks up. “Tell me about that painting. The one that started all this.”

Steve blushes, but considering everything Tony has done for him, he can’t really say no. “I don’t know what to tell ya. I was having trouble being inspired by anything that didn’t involved my ma, then I saw that first press conference. I remember sitting up and watching him as you were talking and he looked…lost…almost afraid. I could relate because when I lost my ma, I felt the same way.” Steve’s been staring off at nothing.

Tony stops working when Steve starts talking about his mother. “When I was in college my parents were killed. My dad was a grade A asshole, but my mother…she was a saint and so much smarter than anyone ever knew.” Steve looks up, meeting red rimmed eyes. “I get losing everything and being lost.”

“He never lost that look though. He didn’t find anything to hang on to.” Steve’s not trying to take away from Tony’s trauma, he just needs Tony to understand the difference between himself, Tony, and what Bucky has been through.

Tony nods because he does understand. “Until he found you.”

“Yeah, friendships can be good for a lost soul.” Tony shakes his head in disbelief. 

The lab door swooshes open and Bucky comes strolling in. “Stevie, I’ve been looking for ya.” Tony snorts and goes back to work.

Five weeks and some pretty intense treatments later, Steve is in the studio working on his portfolio when Bucky comes in. During those weeks, when he’s not away on a mission, Bucky is with Steve, but in that time he’s not made any advances. He’s made no further flirtatious remarks and gives no indication that he’s interested in Steve in any way other than a growing friendship. Steve knows that Chloe and Tony were both wrong and Bucky just needs a friend.

“Stevie, you haven’t been answering your phone and I know that means you haven’t eaten.” Bucky’s standing at the door, arms crossed over his chest, looking very disappointed in his friend.

Steve sits the paint brush and pallet down and goes to hug his friend. “Then buy a poor, starving artist dinner.”

Dr. Marley comes out of the office and grins. “Get him out of my studio, Captain Barnes. He’s been here since 11.”

Steve blushes and Bucky looks down at him accusingly. “Get your stuff packed up. We’re having pizza.” As they leave the building, Bucky takes his scarf off and wraps it around Steve’s neck. The shorter man blushes and reminds himself not read too much into the action. Bucky has seen him with pneumonia and is just worried it will happen again. However, Steve can honestly say that he’s never felt better in his life. Whatever the treatments are, they did something to his fucked up system.

By the time they get back to the Tower, the pizza is waiting in the kitchen. “JARVIS is a miracle worker.”

Bucky snorts. “JARVIS is a goddamn saint.”

‘Thank you Captain, Master Steven. I will pass that along to sir.’ 

Steve snorts at that and grabs plates and sodas from the icebox heading into the living room. Over their time spent becoming friends, Steve has been on Bucky’s floor many times and feels comfortable making himself at home. Bucky carries the pizza and grins when Steve pulls the quilt off the back of the sofa and wraps it around his shoulders. 

They pile up on the sofa and while they eat, Steve expounds on what he’s been working on. He has a hard time eating because his hands are flying as fast as he’s talking. He stops when he sees Bucky grinning so wide his face nearly doesn’t contain it. “What are you grinning at?”

“I love you.” He didn’t think before he spoke and once it’s out, Bucky clinches his eyes shut.

Steve, who had been taking a bite of pizza, stops in mid-bite. “What?”

Bucky puts his face in his hands and sighs. “Sorry, that wasn’t…I didn’t…”

Steve moves both of their plates to the coffee table and slides down the sofa, prying Bucky’s hands away from his face. “Uh…I think you need to clarify that for context because I need to understand.”

Bucky gets up and goes to the windows. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to come out. You’ve been such a good friend to me, I guess for me, it just seemed the natural progression. I’m sorry, Steve. I want to keep you as a friend. If you could just forget I said that, it would be great.” His shoulders are pulled in and he looks so defeated.

Steve gets up and slowly turns Bucky around. “You’re in love with me?” Bucky just nods and looks like a puppy that’s been kicked. And Steve just can’t have that.

Steve leans up, kissing him lightly. “I love you too, Buck. I kinda thought you knew.”

Bucky shakes his head. “I thought you just saw me as a friend.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve filled a sketch book with nothing but you. One of the new pieces I’m working on for my portfolio is another of you. I just don’t understand what you see in me.”

Bucky takes Steve’s hands, holding them to his chest. “Now you’re kidding. You are…jesus…so, so beautiful. Like a goddamn angel.”

Steve chuckles then looks up to see the truth in Bucky’s words. “You’re serious.”

“Damn right I am.” And for the first time Steve sees what’s been missing in Bucky’s eyes: the light, the life, the spark.

“JARVIS?”

‘Yes Master Steven?’

“I’m going to need a car in the morning around 9.”

‘Very good, Master Steven.’

“A car, huh?”

“If you think I’m leaving here tonight, you aren’t using your upstairs brain, Barnes.”

Bucky laughs as he sweeps Steve into his arms and heads back to the couch so his starving artist can finish eating. Only this time, they are wrapped around each other with the quilt over their laps.

Steve wakes the next morning to sun pouring in through the windows. It casts a golden glow over the bed, it’s warm and feels good on his skin. Steve had been worried about sleeping in the same bed with Bucky, but it was like they had always been together. When he had confessed to the brunette that he wasn’t sure about anything physical yet, Bucky had just smiled and said that Steve’s view fit right in with Bucky’s old fashion sensibilities, making Steve laugh as he snuggled in next to the super soldier. 

Looking over, he sees that Bucky isn’t in bed and his side is cold. Crawling out of bed, he finds a pair of Bucky’s pajama pants on the end of the bed and pulls them on. Tying them off, then rolling the waist band, they still go past his heels. The shirt he’s wearing is also Bucky’s and hangs from his small frame. Normally, this would agitate him, but the fact that they are Bucky’s clothes makes him feel giddy.

When he shuffles into the kitchen, he hears voices. “Tony, I could care less what the public thinks about me being gay. I had to hide it my whole life and pretend to be something I’m not. I don’t have to do that anymore and I’m not asking Steve to stay in the shadows. I’m not embarrassed by this and certainly not of him.”

Steve smiles and comes into the kitchen. Bucky looks up and smiles so wide and so fully that Steve nearly loses his breath. “I’d stay in the shadows if you asked me to, Buck.”

Bucky’s in front of him in three long strides. “Like hell you will.” He pulls Steve against him, whispering. “I really like you wearing my clothes.” Looking down at his beautiful Stevie, he smirks. “That makes me a possessive ass doesn’t it?”

Steve nuzzles into this neck. “No, I like wearing your clothes.”

Tony claps his hands together, rubbing them. “Okay, so this is what we’re going to do.” The two men haven’t stopped looking at each other. Bucky caresses down Steve’s cheekbone and leans in to kiss him lightly. “I’m going to need the two of you to stop staring lovingly at each other and pay attention.” Their eyes snap up to Stark. “We…” Tony makes a circular motion with his finger to indicate all three of them. “Are going to go up and see Pepper. I have an idea about this thing, but need to run it past the boss.” They use the private elevator to the common floor where Pepper is having breakfast with the rest of the team. Their interlaced fingers tell the team that this situation has gone from friendship to the next level. None of them are surprised by this development, especially Wanda and Sam.

Pepper raises an eyebrow and Tony clears his throat. “Pep, we have a situation and I have an idea.” Her other eyebrow goes up because Tony’s ideas usually end with someone getting hurt. The group hears him out and everyone, including Pepper, is grinning by the time he’s done. “Whadya think?”

Pepper gets up, comes to her husband and kisses him. “I think you just earned that genius title you like to throw around.”

Steve looks up at Bucky. “This is not what I was expecting.” Bucky leans in, kisses him and couldn’t agree more, but more than that, he realizes that his team really does care about him.

Something else that Steve isn’t expecting is for Natalia Romanova to show up during his studio time that afternoon. She’s leaning on the door frame watching him appraise the piece that he’s working on. He’s doing another of Bucky, but this one shows the difference between the haunted man and the happy man. Steve blushes knowing that he’s the reason that happiness is there. It isn’t until Chloe clears her throat gaining Steve’s attention and indicating the door, that Steve sees her. She looks at him like she knows exactly what he was thinking about. “Ms. Romanova, what…” Then he starts to panic. “Is Bucky okay?”

She smirks. “He’s fine, but you and I have an errand we have to run, so finish up and let’s get moving.”

That’s how Steve finds himself standing on a platform while a man named Giovanni takes measurements. “For you, I do this quick, but for anyone else, they wait.”

Natalia leans in kissing the old man’s cheek. “Thank you.” The old man blushes.

He looks up at Steve. “When a beautiful woman asks, we do as they ask.”

Steve chuckles with a reply. “It would have to be a beautiful man for me.” Steve blushes thinking about Bucky and how that beautiful man looks at him.

Giovanni just laughs. “But even you can appreciate beauty in all forms, yes?”

Steve looks over at Natalia. “Yes, I can and she is quite beautiful.” Natalia blushes unexpectedly and Steve thinks he’d like to paint her.

A few days later, Bucky calls Steve during his studio time and sounds haggard. “Buck? What’s going on? Are you okay?”

There’s a heavy sigh. “I’ve been out looking at apartments today and…Steve…” The artist’s name is whined into the phone.

“Awww, what’s the matter Bucky Bear?” There’s a chuckle on the other end of the phone.

“Bucky Bear? Really Stevie?” They both laugh and Steve can hear the stress leaving Bucky’s voice. “I just didn’t know that things in Brooklyn were this expensive. How do you afford to live here?”

Steve swallows deeply. “Well…it’s…uh…”

“Steve? What’s the matter?” Bucky’s never been to Steve’s apartment, so he doesn’t know. They’ve just always ended up at the Tower for the privacy and Steve’s never brought up where he lives.

Steve sits heavily on the floor of the studio. Chloe comes over, sitting with him, checking to see if he’s okay. He nods that he’s okay, but she stays where she is knowing her friend. “When my ma first got sick she took out an insurance policy. I didn’t know about it until after she died. I…uh…didn’t want to leave Brooklyn so I used the money to buy a place.”

“Oh Jesus, Steve.” Bucky sounds like he wants to cry. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No! Really, it’s okay. I probably should have told you.” He tries to lighten the mood. “But don’t you have like army back pay or Avenger pay? I bet you could afford something.”

There’s another chuckle. “It’s not that.” He doesn’t continue and Steve tries to look at it from Bucky’s perspective. Then it hits him.

“It’s not what you remember. You’re thinking about what it was before and can’t reconcile what you’re seeing now.”

There isn’t a response for a minute or so. “How do you always know what I’m feeling?”

“I just put myself in your shoes and it sorta comes to me.” Chloe smiles at him.

“I love you, Steve.”

“I love you too, Buck.”

A week later, Steve stands in front of the mirror in his bedroom, looking over what he’s wearing. He’s never owned anything so expensive that was tailored just for him and has to admit that he looks damn good. Chloe strolls into the apartment calling Steve’s name and he comes out of the bedroom. She whistles. “Fuck, you look hot!”

Steve blushes. “Considering how much this cost, I better.”

There’s a knock and Chloe turns around to get it. Steve expects Bucky, but it’s Natalia. She comes in, walking around him, appraising. “Rogers, you are going to knock his socks off.” She stops in front of him smiling and not the scary smile, but a real, honest smile. “We better go.”

They arrive and still there’s no sign of Bucky. “Do I get to see him before this chaos starts?” Pepper has coached him this week on how things are going to happen and Steve’s really unsure about it, but has to trust these people. They want what’s best for Bucky and Steve is part of that.

Natalia just laughs. “Oh no, I don’t want him seeing you until you come up on stage. One look at you now and he won’t even make it to the stage.”

Steve wishes that he wasn’t Irish sometimes so that when he blushes it wasn’t so noticeable. He’s not used to comments about his level of attractiveness, but he also doesn’t want anyone to know that he and Bucky haven’t done anything aside from some heavy making out. It’s been ten weeks since the art show and a little over two weeks of dating and what Steve realizes now was there were weeks in between of foreplay. Steve gets Bucky’s reluctance in taking that serious leap into physical, but it’s getting harder.

They find their table and he opens the program and reads through the bios on the Avengers. Next to each name is an asterisk to a note at the bottom. He laughs at the notation.

*_Winning an auction on an Avenger does not entitle the winning bidder to sexual favors by said Avenger._

He shows it to Chloe who gets a good giggle out of it too. The evening begins with Pepper taking the stage and speaking eloquently about the charity. She begins the evening’s auction with Tony.

“Mr. Stark describes himself as a genius, billionaire, philanthropist with an added note that he’s no longer a playboy.” She looks at her husband strutting down the catwalk. “He better not be.” He looks over his shoulder and blows her a kiss. “Mr. Stark will invite the winning bidder into the sanctity of his lab and wow them with his genius.” She looks up at the audience. “Please note ladies and gentlemen that Tony wrote that, I just read it.” The audience laughs. “We’ll start the bidding at $1000.”

Tony sells for an obscene $37,000 and he swaggers off the stage, leaning in to kiss his wife’s cheek. They go through the rest of the team with only Natalia beating out Tony with an impressive $45,000. Steve would be worried about the guy that won the bidding war, but knowing Natalia, if the guy tried anything, he’d disappear. 

The last one up is Bucky, who comes on stage wearing his dress uniform from WWII. Steve’s mouth goes dry and Chloe starts laughing. “You okay there, Steve?”

Steve shakes his head and goes for his inhaler. Taking two solid puffs, he looks at Chloe. “I’m not good enough for him.” Chloe frowns, but Steve only has eyes for the man on stage, looking embarrassed and uncomfortable. Steve can see him scanning the crowd, but they are toward the back of the room, so he can’t find Steve. Steve wants nothing more than to go to him and hold him until Bucky is comfortable again.

“Ladies and Gentlemen…” Pepper starts, then zeroes in on Steve. She made the seating chart so of course she knows where he’s seated. “Captain James Buchannan Barnes is our last auction of the night. Also known as Captain America, Captain Barnes likes to play that part of his life down, but will be happy to spend the day teaching the winning bidder how to use the shield. He’s also promises the winning bidder a taste of his mother’s famous pound cake. I’ve personally had this cake and it’s worth the bidding.” The crowd laughs. “Let’s start the bidding then shall we?” Before she can say anything more, a woman up front yells a bid of $20,000. Bucky’s eyes get huge and slightly terrified. Another bid of $25,000 is screamed out. Steve looks nervously over at Chloe, who just grins.

The bidding keeps going up and up until it stalls at $52,000. Steve still hasn’t said anything and then a hand lands on his shoulder. Tony leans in and whispers something in his ear. Steve looks up stunned and Tony grins and nods. Steve stands, raising his paddle and calls out what Tony just said. “I bid $100,000.” The crowd gasps and Chloe starts laughing. Steve looks like a deer in headlights when the spotlight hits him and Bucky is looking, but can’t see him for the glare of the stage lights.

Pepper waits three beats, then slams the gavel down. “Sold for $100,000.” The crowd claps wildly. “Can we get the winning bidder up here? That’s very generous and we’d like to thank you personally.” Tony nudges him forward and Steve makes his way to the stage. When he climbs the stairs, Bucky sucks in a breath when he sees him. The suit is deep blue and hugs Steve especially well in all the right places on his slim frame. Steve looks out at the crowd and sees the faces of several of the women glaring at him. “Can you introduce yourself, sir?”

Steve looks terrified, but leans into the microphone. “Steve Rogers.”

Pepper puts a steady hand on his arm. “Mr. Rogers, thank you for your donation.” Steve comes close to saying something about Tony’s money, but stops himself just in time.

Bucky takes Steve’s hand like he’s going to shake it, but pulls Steve into him. “Stevie.” It’s the last thing that Steve hears over the roaring in his ears from Bucky kissing him senseless.

The picture is splashed across the front page of ever paper around the world the following day. Steve lays in bed, listening to Bucky’s even breathing, looking at his phone. Chloe sent a link to the article in the New York Times that went with the picture. It’s one piece that sticks out in the article and Steve hopes that Bucky doesn’t wake to regret.

_‘When contacted, after the display of affection on stage, Captain Barnes had this to say, “I’ve always had to pretend to be something I wasn’t, to the point of gaining a reputation as a womanizer, but the truth is, I’m gay and fell in love for the first time in my life about two months ago.” We here at the New York Times wish Captain Barnes and Mr. Rogers the best.’_

They’d come back to Bucky’s floor last night exhausted after the auction and fell asleep cuddled against each other. Now, Steve had to wait to see what this morning’s Bucky would have to say. So lost in his thoughts he doesn’t see eyes open next to him or the furrow of the brow when those eyes realize Steve’s working himself into an asthma attack. When Bucky speaks, it startles Steve. “Hey, hey, what’s going on?”

Bucky jumps from the bed and grabs the inhaler from the bathroom counter. Returning to the bed, he helps Steve take two deep puffs. “It’s all over everywhere, Buck. Every paper in the world, it seems, is running the story, with your quote. It’s everywhere and you…and…Cap…and…”

Bucky pulls Steve into his lap and wraps him in a tight hug. “SSSSShhhhhh sweetheart, it’s all okay. Everything’s okay.” He leans away, wiping away the hair that’s fallen into Steve’s face, he keeps his hands cradling the man’s face. “In case that public display of affection wasn’t enough for you, I. Love. You. From this point forward, we are a team. It’s only you for me. Get that through you thick head. It’s you.”

“Then I think it’s time you prove it to me.” Steve stares with determination; letting the implication sink in.

Bucky caresses Steve’s cheek tenderly. “Careful there, Stevie, I’m going to think you want to…be…intimate with me.” He’s grinning, but it’s the insecurity in his eyes that Steve sees.

Steve leans in, kissing Bucky. “It’s been building for weeks, Buck. Can you maybe put me out of my misery already?” That sparkle that Steve loves so much appears in Bucky’s eyes.

Bucky flips them so that Steve is lying on his back and Bucky hovers over him. “Oh baby, you don’t know what you’ve just done.” Steve looks up confused. “Didn’t I mention the no refractory period with the serum?”

Steve looks stunned then a leer graces his face. “Prove it.”

Steve sprawls across the bed not wanting to get up. Bucky comes in from the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist and Steve rolls over to get a better look. “Can we tell them I’m sick and you come back to bed?”

Bucky barks a laugh. “If I tell them you’re sick, the whole lot of them will be up here in seconds to check on you. Don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but they like you a little.”

Steve rests his chin on his hands. “Do you like me a little?”

Bucky falls for the trap. Steve rolls onto his back and Bucky crawls over him, dropping the towel on the floor. “Baby, I love you and more than a little.”

Steve pulls Bucky down on top of him and his eyes flutter shut at the feel of Bucky. They’ve spent the day in bed and Steve can’t get enough of this feeling. “I don’t know if I could live without you.” It’s a confession that Steve didn’t mean to make. “Sorry that was too…”

Bucky kisses him heatedly. Raising his head. “Don’t take it back unless you didn’t mean it.”

The soft look that he’s getting from Bucky makes his insides melt. “I meant it.” By the time Bucky lifts his head from kissing Steve again, they find themselves in a condition that precludes going to see the team. “Buck, we can’t go down like this.”

There’s a deep, salacious laugh. “Then I guess we’ll have to be late.” Seconds later Bucky is sliding back into Steve’s still open body. Rolling them, he puts Steve on top, sliding his hands into the blond’s hair and pulling him into a breathy kiss. “I love you. Can’t…ah, jesus, Stevie..get enough…” Steve grinds his hips and rotates.

Steve freezes and looks down at Bucky, blissed out and panting. “Move in with me.”

Bucky’s eyes that have fluttered shut, fly open. “Y-you want me to…”

Steve leans in, kissing Bucky’s neck and up to his ear. “Yeah, I really do.”

Bucky rolls them again, bracing his weight on one arm. This beautiful man wants to not only love him, but make a home with him. Steve legs come up and wrap around Bucky’s waist. “I want a life with you, everything that it means to be with you.”

“I want a dog.” Bucky bursts with laughter. “And a cat.” Bucky nods while still laughing. “Now fuck me, Barnes.”

Bucky smirks down at his spit-fire of a boyfriend then the look softens. “Oh, I’m going to, baby.” Steve looks shocked until Bucky lays on him, kissing him in that tender way that takes Steve’s breath away. His movements are languid, slow, but powerful thrusts that make Steve’s eyes roll back in his head.

Tony walks into Steve’s apartment and whistles. “Maybe I should have let you pay at the auction.” He goes to the mantle and looks at the portrait of Sarah Rogers from the art show. “She was very beautiful, Steve.”

Steve comes out of the kitchen carrying a tray with coffee. The ‘house-warming’ party isn’t for another couple of hours, but Tony and Pepper came early to take care of the caterers that are due in about 30 minutes. They had insisted on paying for all the food because even though Steve’s apartment is very nice, he’s still really a starving artist. “Thanks Tony. She was my foundation and my best friend.”

Pepper looks over the piece on the easel by the window. “Steve, this is amazing.”

Bucky comes out of the bedroom and down the hallway. The first time Steve brought him here, Bucky had a breakdown on the street. Steve was able to get him inside and into the elevator, but he broke down even further when Steve had pressed the button for the fourth floor. It wasn’t until much later that Steve was able to get everything out of Bucky.

_Just getting him in the door of the building pushes Steve to his physical limits. That haunted look is back in full force and Steve just wants to understand why his Bucky is reacting this way. Once the lift doors close Steve reaches over, pressing the button for his floor. _

_The sob next to him makes Steve look back at the hollowed out man in his arms. He’s staring at the lit button for Steve’s floor. “Stevie?”_

_Steve pulls him into his arms more securely. “SSSSHhhhhh Buck, it’s okay. Whatever this is, it’s going to be okay.”_

_Steve doesn’t know if it’s just being back in Brooklyn, if Bucky is having some kind of panic attack, he just doesn’t know, but he needs to get them into his apartment to figure it out. And hopefully, they won’t run into anyone in the hallway. The doors slide open and Steve draws him down the hall, but the further they get, the more Bucky’s feet drag._

_Steve looks up and tears cascade down Bucky’s cheeks. The soft, whimpering, “no” that Steve hears breaks his heart into a million pieces. _

_He leans Bucky against the door frame, fishing out his keys. “It’s gonna be okay. Let’s just get you inside.”_

_Bucky stands in the living room that’s open to the kitchen, staring blankly around. Steve comes back with a glass of water, pushing it into Bucky’s hands. Steve could swear that if Bucky grasps the glass just a fraction tighter, it will shatter in his hand. They don’t talk for a long while as Bucky just looks around. Finally, Bucky breaks the silence. “That’s the fire escape I used to feed the cat on.”_

_Steve’s reality shifts._

_“Oh god…” Bucky’s reaction makes sense now. “Buck…”_

_Bucky looks at Steve and just a little bit of his normal attitude returns. “You didn’t know?”_

_Taking the super soldier’s face gently in his hands, he looks him dead in the eye. “Oh god Buck, if I’d know, don’t ya think I woulda told ya?”_

_Bucky nods, clinching his eyes shut. “yeah…yeah, you would.”_

_“Maybe we should go somewhere else. Somewhere not here.” He starts to pull Bucky towards the door. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I’m just so sorry I did this to ya.”_

_Bucky stops him by planting his feet firmly and pulling Steve back into his arms. The smaller man is crying now, seemingly lost in his own guilt for having caused Bucky undo pain. With his arms wrapped around Steve from behind, he holds his love against his chest. “You didn’t know. It’s just going to take me a minute to get my bearings.” He rocks Steve in his arms and feels him relax. “You’re going to have to show me around because this is way bigger than it used to be.”_

Steve sits the coffee on the table and Bucky wraps his arms around him from behind. “Everything Stevie does is amazing.”

The artist blushes, turning in Bucky’s arms. “You’re biased.”

Bucky leans in to kiss him. “Absolutely.”

They chat until the buzzer sounds and Bucky gets up to let the caterers in. Once they are in the apartment, Pepper takes over and tables are moved, new ones are set up and the food it prepared for service.

Everyone arrives early, which Pepper had warned Steve and Bucky about, but they show up baring gifts which Steve was not expecting. He and Bucky have been living together for two weeks and it’s been surreal. They move around each other like they’ve always been together. Cooking is like a dance done by partners that have moved together for decades.

Dr. Erskine pulls Steve aside after everyone has eaten. “You are happy?”

Steve looks into the living room where Bucky is laughing at something that Sam is saying. “I’ve never been this happy.”

“Good, this is good.” He looks pleased. They join the others in the living room.

Bucky is explaining their unique situation with the apartment to the team and Chloe. Sam throws his arm around Steve’s shoulder. “So, if I understand what Cap is saying, this place was his family’s apartment?”

Steve looks at Bucky, remembering how he’d broken down when they parked outside the building. “Yeah, I didn’t know or I would have warned him beforehand. You’d think the realtor would have known.”

Bucky grins because now it’s not so painful. “We pulled up outside that day and I thought he was joking. Then we get in the elevator and he presses the button for the fourth floor. Of course this is a lot bigger and it was a walk-up in my day. This used to be my family’s apartment and the Doolan’s that were next door instead of one.”

Sam gapes at him. “Just how small were these apartments, Cap?”

Bucky points at the wall between the living room and kitchen. “Where that wall is was all we had.” The reality of Bucky’s life before starts to take shape for the team.

While Bucky is away on a mission, Steve goes to the Tower to meet with Pepper. He has a proposal and needs her input and approval. They sit down to lunch and she smiles over her glass. “You seem nervous and that makes me think this isn’t just about having lunch.”

He chuckles nervously, playing with the edge of his napkin. “Well…” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’ve been thinking about something and wanted to run it by you.” She takes a bite and nods for him to continue. “Before the charity thing, Nat took me to get fitted for my suit and I was watching her with the tailor.” Pepper squints in a way that makes Steve think she has no idea what he’s getting at. He sighs and plows through. “I was thinking that she didn’t have that deadly look that she seems to always have and I wanted to paint her.”

Pepper claps her hands together. “Oh Steve, that’s a wonderful idea.”

“But not just her. I wanted to paint all of them.” He looks up through his lashes. “And you too.”

She’s stunned for a minute, but then smiles. “There’s more to it. Tell me.”

“See I think that everyone sees what they want to see when they look at the Avengers and you, but that’s not who any of you really are.” He takes a drink to gather his thoughts. “It’s like Bucky, everyone was just seeing Captain America until that night that you saw my painting then all of you started looking at him differently, the way you should have, but couldn’t because of the persona.”

She looks guilty for a second. “It’s true. Until that night we believed the cover he was putting on. We, I should have seen past that.”

He takes a bite and chews slowly to give himself time to think. “That day at the tailor, I saw something in Nat that I’d never seen before.” Pepper quirks an eyebrow. “She was soft and Nat is anything but soft on any given day.”

“So you want to show the Avengers as people.” He nods. “Then why me? How do I fit into this?”

“You are the heart of this group whether you know it or not or whether they acknowledge it out loud or not.” She starts to shake her head. “Don’t Pepper, just listen. You keep everything going and when you see one of them not okay, you step in and make sure they are taken care of. Even when they don’t want to admit they need it. You’re as much a part of the team as any of the others.”

She doesn’t say anything for a few minutes and Steve thinks she’s going to say no, but instead she surprises him. “How do you want do this?”

“If it’s okay with you, I thought I’d hang out here for a few days and follow you around. I want to see you doing what you do every day. I want to find that moment that I saw with Bucky.” 

“Let’s do it.”

It’s on the third day of following Pepper around that Steve sees it. He’s sat through board meetings that he didn’t understand. He’s watched her negotiate with businessmen that think they can pull the wool over her eyes, only to have the rug pulled out from under them in a split second. He’s watched her wine and dine lawyers and politicians. He doesn’t see what he wants until her personal phone rings. She picks up without looking at the caller ID. Her face changes in an instant and Steve clicks a quick picture as she stands to finish the call. He doesn’t know who was on the other end, it doesn’t matter because whatever it was, he whole demeanor changes and suddenly she isn’t Virginia “Pepper” Potts-Stark, CEO of Stark Industries and all around badass. She’s Pepper in a way that’s deeply personal.

That night he returns to his own apartment and starts to sketch out the canvas. He mixes paints, decides on background, and can’t stop the artistic flow. Bucky returns home the following afternoon and finds Steve nearly exhausted, still at the easel. “Baby, what are you doing?”

Steve turns, throwing himself into Bucky’s arms. “I…it’s just…I can’t…”

Bucky sits him down, brushing his hair away from his face and looking into glassy eyes. “Baby, baby, when was the last time you slept? When was the last time you ate?”

Steve blushes. “Uh…what time is it?”

Bucky drags him out of the room, and pushes him towards the shower. “Shower and I’m going to fix you something to eat. When you get out, crawl in bed and I’ll be right in.” Steve doesn’t even argue, which tells Bucky he’s been painting for much too long.

He comes back in with a grilled cheese, soup, and tea. Steve is sitting up in bed, bare-chested and grinning. “I missed you.”

Bucky puts the tray over his lap. “Are you sure? You seemed to be pretty far in the zone and didn’t even know I was gone.”

“I always miss you when you aren’t here.” He eats and Bucky watches his eyes, knowing he won’t be awake for very long after he finishes. “You going to join me in bed when I’m done?”

Bucky laughs. “Yes, so I can make sure you sleep.” Steve pouts making Bucky laugh more. “When you wake up you can welcome me home properly.” He adds a wink and Steve chuckles.

“That’s fair.” He’s out like a light within minutes of Bucky moving the tray. The bigger man undresses and does join him. Wrapped around Steve is exactly where he needs to be right now. He wakes later with a weight on top of him. Steve is sound asleep, breathing evenly, but he’s somehow managed to drape himself across Bucky. Smiling, he kisses the top of that blond head he loves so much and goes back to sleep.

Steve graduates with his Master’s Degree and even though he’s started the portrait of Pepper already, she hires him as the official artist for the Avengers. Bucky just grins and watches as Steve opens the email that outlines his salary. “Holy fucking shit!” Steve turns to look at his boyfriend. “Did you know about this?”

“No, not exactly, but I know Pepper and she’s going to take care of her family.” They go to dinner that night at the Tower and Pepper shares the news that she and Tony are having a baby.

“I found out months ago, but we didn’t say anything until the second trimester.” Steve thinks back to that day he saw the look and realizes that what he’s painting is the day Pepper found out about the baby.

It takes several more months to finish Pepper’s portrait, but Steve’s been collecting expressions of each of the team members. “How do you decide what to paint?”

Steve looks up and Bucky is in the doorway of the studio, leaning on the frame, arms crossed over his chest. By the looks of it, he’s been there for awhile. “I don’t really know what I’m going to end up painting. It’s like…I just know it when I see it.” He goes to Bucky and lets the man wrap strong arms around him. “I wait until I see the real person underneath what they try to be for everyone else.”

“I think you need to take a break and let me feed you.” Steve looks up grinning. “And if you’re really good and eat all your food, I have dessert for you too.”

“It better be your dick, Barnes. It’s been a few days and I’m starving.” He walks away to Bucky’s shocked face then a peel of laughter.

It’s been nearly two years and Steve stands outside the new exhibit at the Smithsonian. The doors are shut and as far as he knows, the only people that have actually been inside are the Avengers and the staff that has been working for years to organize this. The idea had come up after Bucky had been found in the ice. It connects to the Captain America exhibit. The official opening is tonight and Steve really hopes that they like what the find.

When Pepper had informed the curator that Steve was painting the Avengers, the man had jumped at the idea of including the paintings. When Steve had come to Washington with the trucks transporting the portraits Mr. Bower had been awed by what he found. Once hung, the portraits stayed covered and even when the Avengers had come through last week, they weren’t allowed to see what Steve had done.

Now, just minutes before the ceremony, Steve is a nervous, shaking wreck. If they don’t like what they find, he will be crushed, but Bucky assures him that everyone will love what he’s done. Bucky is the only one that has seen all of the finished paintings, except his own. Steve wouldn’t let him see that one.

“Steve, are you ready?” Steve turns to find Mr. Bower coming to him, grinning.

Steve nods and pulls the notecards from his pocket. “Uh…yeah…as ready as I’ll ever be.

There are politicians, CEO’s, famous people from every walk of life, Dr. Marley and Chloe, and the Avengers…Steve’s family. Mr. Bower takes the podium. Behind him in the curve of the building structure, the portraits hang, covered in red cloth. “Years ago when we planned this exhibit, we didn’t know how it was going to be pulled together. We only knew that the Avengers were a part of our social make up and because they protect us, we wanted to honor their constant sacrifices.” As Mr. Bower speaks, Steve searches out Bucky. The soldier is sitting next to Tony and Wanda, hands clasped in his lap. He smiles at Steve with that private smile that tells Steve he’s loved. “When Mrs. Stark contacted us and told us that Mr. Rogers would be officially painting each of the Avengers, we were thrilled with the idea of those portraits hanging here. When they were delivered, artist in tow,” He looks over at Steve and laughs, “He’s very protective of them.” The crowd laughs. “I didn’t know what to expect, but what I got were nine paintings that were more than I dreamed of. So, ladies and gentlemen, the artist Steve Rogers.”

Steve takes the podium and thanks Mr. Bower. “It seems that as hard as I try to stay behind my canvases, I always end up behind a microphone.” The laughter is loudest from his family. “I wanted to show the general population what I see in these extraordinary people. They save the planet on a weekly basis and everyone looks up to them as heroes, but to me, they aren’t just heroes, they are the people that I see every day. They are my friends, my family, and one of them is my life.” Bucky blushes and Wanda takes his hand. “I started the collection with Mrs. Stark, Pepper.” She smiles up at him and Morgan waves. Steve waves back and blows her a kiss making the little girl giggle. “Most of you don’t know this, but Pepper, Mrs. Stark is the heart of this weird and wonderful group. She doesn’t have a super power other than reining Tony in when he gets too in his head.” There’s more laughter and Tony leans in kissing his wife’s cheek. “So I started with her.” The cover on her portrait pulls back and there’s a gasp. “I’ve always thought about her as CEO of Stark Industries and general all around badass, but this is really Pepper. This is the woman that carries the burdens of the Avengers that no one knows about and does it will grace and heart.”

He pauses for a beat, then continues. “I didn’t know who I would paint next, but it happened one day when they Avengers had returned from a mission. I went to visit a friend, who doesn’t always know when to take a break.” The team looks at Tony. “He didn’t know I was coming to see him and didn’t know when I had walked in. The last battle had been difficult in a way that most people don’t think about. It’s never easy when kids are involved.” Tony flushes, telling Steve that he remembers the day the artist is talking about. The curtain is pulled aside. “The intimacy of this moment isn’t lost on me, but it was _the_ moment. The one that I looked for each time I started a painting.” He looks at Tony, who is looking at the portrait. He’s standing in the lab, coffee cup in hand, head leaning against Dum-E’s claw, patting the robot affectionately. “This is Tony Stark.”

Pepper’s portrait hangs in the middle, Tony’s to the right of it. To the right of Tony is Natalia who Steve learned had a cat named Liho. The portrait is of Nat holding Liho to her face, cuddling the little, black furball, while the cat licks her nose. Natalia’s nose is crinkled up with a carefree grin playing on her face. “The general population should fear this woman, but when it comes to family, she’s just Nat. She loves deeply and with a fierceness that can’t be matched. And Liho just knows her as mama.”

Next to Nat is Clint. In the painting of Clint, the archer is sitting in the library, glasses for reading slipping down his nose, and the novel clutched in his hands. A look of intrigue and pleasure evident on his face. “There’s a running joke in the team that if anyone is going to get hurt, it’s going to be Hawkeye.” Clint chuckles and the rest of the team nods. “What many don’t know is that at 3AM when someone can’t sleep, Clint is the one that will talk them down. He holds himself a little separate, but in the end, he’s the one that you want at 3AM when philosophical questions plague a weary mind.”

Thor is the next to be revealed. Steve smiles up at the god of thunder, playing with a group of children at the park. They had made a day of the picnic and when the group of kids had come over, Thor had been enthralled by their enthusiasm. He’s sitting in the middle of them, flower crown on his head, compliments of a little girl named Mya. For hours they had used him as a jungle gym and not once did he grumble about it, in fact, he had smiled with a childlike glee of his own. The mantle of King gone and only a man in a moment of complete relaxation left in its place. “Born to be a King, Thor is the gentlest of souls. He feels everything so deeply and wants for others to have peace. These kids gathered around him because he’s Thor, God of Thunder, but they stayed because he’s a friend to anyone that needs one.”

Bruce is on the far end opposite of Thor, to the left of Pepper. It had been a surprise when Steve had run into Bruce at the MOMA. They had spent the day roaming the gallery and Bruce telling Steve about paintings and why he loved being amongst them so much. “It had never occurred to me that Dr. Banner would be an art enthusiast, but that day I got to see Bruce, not Dr. Banner, no Hulk, but a man that could see and appreciate beyond the science that dictates his life. The hero fell away and the man beneath came out.” The portrait is Bruce, excitedly talking about Starry Night, eyes shining, smile blinding and suddenly he was just Bruce.

The next painting is Sam, wearing the wings, but not looking at all like the hero that he is. This one was difficult because of what led to this being the moment that Steve wanted to capture. “Sam Wilson is one of those men that everyone wants to know and be friends with. He makes everyone laugh and in all the insults and wisecracks, you know that you’re cared about.” Steve looks down at Sam. “What people forget is that he’s a soldier, a good man, with a good heart that watched horrors that most of us can’t fathom. On this day, he shared with me his greatest horror, which I will never share with another because I know it was a story shared in trust. And once you make a friend of Sam Wilson, you know how special you are.” Sam looks up, teary eyed, but smiling.

The next to be unveiled is Wanda. She’s wearing a bright yellow dress and holding white flowers. Steve hadn’t known about her brother until the day depicted in the painting. The team knows how powerful she is, but they also know that power comes from great loss. “Wanda Maximoff is the strongest person that I know and considering her team, that’s saying so much. She carries herself with a grace that most of us wish we could have. This was the day that I got to see that power and grace up close and share with her and the rest of the team, the loss that drives her. This was an unexpected moment and instead of taking a photograph of this moment, I painted it from memory because I knew that I would remember it for the rest of my life.” He looks at Wanda, who is holding Bucky’s hand. “You have an old soul and a generous heart that many don’t see.” Steve looks up at the painting and back at Wanda. “I see you.”

Steve braces himself for the final portrait. He doesn’t turn when it’s unveiled because he knows that if he does, he won’t get through what he needs to say. The press and guests fall silent when the curtains pull to the side. There’s no sound of shudders on cameras and there’s barely any breathing. Steve looks at Bucky, who is staring at the portrait. “Captain James Buchannan Barnes or Captain America to most of you is the inspiration for most everything I do. My ma told me that someday I would meet someone that became my muse. She didn’t tell me they would become my world. What you see here is the man that I live for. This is after a long, arduous battle, one that kept Captain Barnes and the rest of the team busy for weeks. But this, this beautiful man, is who I see when I look.” Bucky stands in the portrait, cowl off, hair in disarray, looking at the viewer with a gleam in his eye. There’s a small smirk on his face and an eyebrow cocked; the challenge is evident, but instead of the challenge being Captain America taking on the world, it’s Bucky. Steve remembers this day vividly when he’d run onto the landing pad to meet the team. Bucky had been barking orders to move Clint carefully because he’d been hurt and everyone was to be checked over in medical. Steve had asked if Bucky was going to take his own advice and be checked over with the rest of the Avengers. The challenge was Bucky’s way of saying, ‘make me.’ “I know what all of you see when he puts on the uniform and carries the shield, but what I see is just Bucky.” He looks down at the love of his life and smirks. “The man that I want to marry, if he’ll have me.”

Bucky jumps up on the stage, taking Steve in his arms, kissing him fiercely, and speaking a quiet, “Yes.”


End file.
